


Don't Stop Breathing (Fight Those Demons)

by Kkaepsongiya



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Bokuto, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, Sweet, TetsuKeijiKei are good boyfriends, bokuto-centric, poor babe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-12-07 02:07:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11613690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kkaepsongiya/pseuds/Kkaepsongiya
Summary: He feels really warm and, for a moment, the thoughts stop. He thinks, instead, about the warmth, about the feeling of being held, being anchored down to the bed, to this moment, to reality. Koutarou closes his eyes and just takes it all in.





	Don't Stop Breathing (Fight Those Demons)

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in twenty minutes and it was not beta read AS PER USUAL lmao also it might be shocking that I'm writing anime fanfics but I started out writing fanfics with anime fanfics sooooo yeah LOL I recently started Haikyuu (I'm halfway through the first season) and I'm SHOOOOOOK I LOVE THIS SHOOOOOOOOOW fskfhseh just read my fucking fanfic LOLOL Title from The Neighbourhood's "Afraid"

The minute he wakes up, he knows it’s one of  _ those _ days. He knows from the way he struggles to find the strength to open his eyes, from the way he can’t make himself get up and get out of bed and get ready for the day. From the way he feels like it’ll be a shit day even though it’s just started.

He doesn’t care but also he cares too much.

He rolls onto his side and stares at the window. The blinds are down but some sun still filters in through the slits and they brighten the room just a bit. He wishes he could shroud the room in darkness, that he could black everything out and just lay there in nothingness. He feels warm under the blanket but he doesn’t care enough to move it off of his body. His phone begins to go off, his alarm shrill to make sure that he’d hear it even through the layers of deep sleep he’s usually in, but he just lays there, staring at the phone vibrating on the bedside table. In the back of his head he knows that if he just reached into the top drawer of the table, his pills would be there and if he just took them he could trick himself into believing that the day would be alright. Overshadowing that thought is the one telling him that if he just took  _ all _ of them...if he just took all of them, he would alright  _ forever _ . Instead of acting on either thought, he just lays in bed, letting both thoughts wash over him. 

He’s so tired.

So sick of all of this, of feeling like this. He wonders what he must’ve done in a past life to warrant such a miserable existence in this one. Maybe he had killed someone and that was why he spent most of his life wishing for death, wishing to just disappear. His lip starts trembling and he squeezes his eyes shut to hold back a sudden wave of tears. He doesn’t know exactly why he’s crying but it’s not a shock to him that he is: he  _ always _ cries. He’s so pathetic that he always cries and he hates it and he hates himself. He fails to keep the tears back and the roll down his cheeks, dripping onto his pillow.

His phone goes off again but this time it’s not the alarm. Tetsurou’s favourite song filters out of the phone and he thinks that he should answer. If he didn’t answer, Tetsu would hate him (not like he doesn’t already because  _ nobody _ likes him) but more importantly, Tetsu would be upset. He never wanted to upset Tetsu. His body moves on autopilot, sluggish because his limbs feel heavy, and he picks up his phone, swiping the screen to answer the call and holding it to his ear.

“Bo!” Kuroo screams into the receiver, excited, “Good morning, babe, we’re going out for breakfast! Get ready, we’re coming to pick you up!” Bokuto just lays there, the phone pressed to his face, his eyes focused back on the blinds. He doesn’t answer for a while and Kuroo calls his name. “Bo? Hey, are you okay? Did something happen, why are you crying?” Bokuto must’ve been sniffling into the phone without even realizing. He opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out. He can hear muffled voices filtering through the phone, tinny, before Kuroo’s addressing him again. “We’re coming, Koutarou, don’t worry, we’re on our way.” The line goes dead and Bokuto’s back to being alone, back to thinking about the pills in the drawer. He lays there in silence for what could be either a minute or an hour—everything feels slow and muddy, he wishes that he could go back to sleep—before he hears his front door opening and footsteps filtering down the hallway before his room door is opened. 

Suddenly Tetsurou is in front of him, a glass of water and a pill in his hand. The bed behind Bokuto depresses and then there are hands helping him sit upright. Kuroo guides Bokuto in taking the pill, pressing the glass of water to his lips to help him drink. He swallows slowly, feeling the pill slide down his throat. He still feels blank. 

The person behind him leans their head onto his shoulder, blond hair obstructing his vision as a kiss is pressed to his face. Kei. Kei is rubbing Koutarou’s arms where goosebumps have formed, pressing light kisses to his face. Tetsurou had his head turned, talking to Keiji who stood near the window. By the blinds. The light filtered in behind Keiji, illuminating him in the most beautiful way. He was so beautiful. Koutarou looked away, focusing back on Tetsurou who was now looking at him, waiting for his attention.

“Whattaya say we just stay in today, hm? Cuddle for a while?” Tetsu has a soft smile on his face, reaching up to cup Koutarou’s cheek, his thumb stroking across Kou’s face, wiping away tears tracks. Koutarou doesn’t know if he responds or not but suddenly he’s laying on his side, Kei pressed tightly against him, arms wrapped around Bokuto’s middle, still pressing kisses against Bokuto’s head. Kuroo crawls in bed in front of Bokuto, pressing in close and tucking Koutarou in under his chin. Bokuto vaguely notices the room darken a bit. Keiji had closed the blinds the rest of the way before climbing in behind Tetsurou, wrapping his arms around him and resting his hands on Bokuto’s waist.

He feels really warm and, for a moment, the thoughts stop. He thinks, instead, about the warmth, about the feeling of being held, being anchored down to the bed, to this moment, to reality. Koutarou closes his eyes and just takes it all in.

Before he falls asleep, he hears the “I love you”’s echo through the quietness of the room.

**Author's Note:**

> TO EVERYONE WHO'S SENT ME REQUESTS/MESSAGES ON TUMBLR: I HAVE SEEN THEM, I JUST CAN'T RESPOND TO THEM BECAUSE THAT'S MY ~PERSONAL~ TUMBLR LOLOL (if you actually want to talk, start a chat with me, I'll always respond!)
> 
> Catch me on [tumblr](http://yooon-gi.tumblr.com/) to talk about how Tsukki is probably a sLUT in the bedroom lmaooo


End file.
